just once.....

i dont ask for much.....i dont really do anything for myself. i mean there are girls out there who blow all there money on getting thier hair done and nails done and buying all kinds of new clothes for themselves! i mean yes i would love to do that! i really would! i mean i cant remember the last time i got my nails done.....i had a hair cut in march and could desperatly use another one...and im gonna be honest....i cant even afford to go and have my eyebrows done and they need it more than you would ever know! and ya know i buy myself new clothes once in a blue moon and its usually from a consignment shop or something that was marked down on clearence beacuse i feel bad when i dont buy something on sale! i mean i use all of my money to put gas in my car and pay bills or part of bills because i just have been going through a rough time with money! and yes i have borrowed alot from my parents and i hate it! its embarrassing and i am very ashamed of it......i am 22 years old i should be able to take care of myself...and i hate to admit that i cant! i hate the fact that i cant support myself! but im trying! i want to....i wish i had that kind of security but i dont! and i never once ask for anything for myself...money to doanything for myself! i did once this summer! i asked my parents for money to go on vacation with my girlfriends and they said yes because they felt i could have used it! but you know what i did instead....i said no...thats irresponisble of me and i shouldnt be using money to go on vacation when i could be using it to pay my bills....and so instead ofborrowing money to go on vacation that i so wanted to go on and needed i borrowed it to pay my bills....and let me tell ya im still behind! i mean i know this sounds so selfish and like im being a brat....and i hate to be selfish.....but just once....just once i asked for soemthing for me...so i could actually do something i want and i cant! and i got said no too. i mean i know that sounds so selfish but just once......once i would liek someone to say ya know she really deserves that or she really deserves to do something for herself.....but they dont! noone ever does.....because everyone else always gets what they want....they always can get what they want....i even took on a second job last night just so i could make extra money to pay my bills and to make ends meet! i dont knwo what else to do! i dont knwo what else to do to prove to people that i am trying and that just once id like something good to happen to me! something that i want.........i didnt mean to screw up things this bad....i didnt mean to scew up my life......but i did and im sory and i am trying to change it but it really hurts....